I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
