I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
