finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
