we're blogging at a bar
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
