You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
