so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
