I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm always down for nudity.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
