that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
