You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
