Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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