Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
