I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
