therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
