Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
