New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
