Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
