i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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