I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
