You work out of a Hotel?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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