love makes seman taste better
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
