NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
