Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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