who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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