So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
