i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
