His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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