Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
