smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
