she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
