I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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