Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just high enough for therapy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Everclear isn't food dammit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
