He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
