i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she told me i tasted like america
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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