omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
