Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
