he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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