Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
