My Higher Power is John Stamos
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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