um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
