I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
