please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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