put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
