just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
