i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I smell stomach acid.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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