I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize