Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
