I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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