Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
