We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
