i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
