also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
