I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
