you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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