Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
