How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
