you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
