Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
