ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
