Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
