some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
