OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
