So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
