Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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