the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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