Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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