grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
