ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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