Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
