We named our party play list daddy issues
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
