Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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