is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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