if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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