Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
