I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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