my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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