me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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