I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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