I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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