If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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